"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you."

- Maya Angelou

Infertility

There are so many complex thoughts and feelings to deal with when you are trying to get pregnant, but cannot.  Every month is like a roller coaster: at first, you experience a building sense of hope and anticipation only to crash down into disappointment and devastation.  You find yourself wishing and praying that this month you will not get your period.  You wonder if every new body sensation is a sign that you are pregnant. You would give anything just to see a positive result on that pregnancy test.  You look around and see pregnant women everywhere, and just wish that you could be pregnant, too. Maybe you finally do get pregnant, only to deal with the seemingly unbearable pain of a miscarriage. It is not easy to be stuck in what feels like a never-ending cycle of hope and disappointment on your journey to motherhood.  Psychotherapy provides support in managing your intense feelings and learning how to cope with the highs and lows of the infertility process.

Catastrophic Diagnosis During Pregnancy/Ending a Wanted Pregnancy

Pregnancy is supposed to be a joyful time- full of hope and dreams of the future. Learning that your baby has a complex medical issue, genetic abnormality, terminal or life-limiting illness is devastating. Walking in for your anatomy scan only to get terrible news is a gut-punch no one expects or is prepared for. To make things harder, you are faced with difficult choices and little time in which to make your decisions. There is so much to consider and so much to grieve. Whether your journey is one of opting for a termination for medical reasons or deciding to carry to term, there is so much uncertainty, fear, isolation and grief to navigate. It is hard to seek help when you feel so vulnerable and exposed. You deserve compassionate care and support. 

Miscarriage

One minute you are celebrating your pregnancy- a mixture of excitement, fear, and full of possibility. Some days it seems so surreal that a baby is growing inside of you. But, one day, something changes. Out of nowhere, you hear the words "we can't find a heartbeat" or you start to cramp and bleed.  Suddenly your whole world is turned upside down. You feel shocked.  You feel both physical and emotional pain. People don't know what to say to you.  Some say nothing. Sometimes it's hard to talk about. Sometimes you want someone to acknowledge what is going on.  Your baby was once growing inside of you and now you are empty.  A psychotherapist can walk by your side in this time of shock, confusion, and pain.  She can provide you with support, resources, and ways to cope.

 

Still Birth and Infant Death

For most of us, when we think of the worst thing that can happen, we imagine a baby dying. For you, there is no imagining or guessing.  For you a baby dying- your baby dying- is a reality. No mother should have to leave a hospital empty-handed. Yet, here you are. The numbness, shock, pain may consume you.  Perhaps at times, it doesn't feel real.  You don't know how to process what has happened and you don't want to accept the reality. People who don't know what has happened to ask you "how's the baby"?  How do you even answer this?  People, who know ask you "how are you"?  But you don't know how to describe how you are. There are not words big enough or powerful enough to express how you feel.  Psychotherapy can offer you a safe space to hold your pain.  A place to explore, talk, cry, rage. A place to feel heard and understood.  A place where you are allowed to feel what you feel.   I am here for you, click here to send me an encrypted email so that we can get started.

Pregnancy After Loss

Planning for another pregnancy after experiencing a loss or several losses is scary. Many women struggle with significant anxiety as they think about trying again. There is so much uncertainty and lingering grief. A positive pregnancy test triggers so many differing emotions.  It is not uncommon to feel fear and worry mixed in with excitement and hope. It's complicated. This pregnancy will be different. It will not be filled with the anticipation and excitement of a pregnancy that existed before loss.  You are no longer naive to the things that can go wrong.  Getting support during this time can be helpful. Learning grounding techniques and strategies to calm your nervous system response to this pregnancy can make a difference. 

If you or someone you know is struggling with the impact of infertility, TFMR, pregnancy loss, neonatal or infant death or pregnancy after a loss, please know that there is help available. Below, you will find some resources for information, education, and support. Many women find solace in connecting with other women who have experienced a similar struggle or loss. Many women find some relief in going to see a therapist.   

If you are suffering, please reach out. 

You are not alone.  

There is a path towards healing.

Online Loss and Infertility Resources 

Resolve: The National Infertility Association www.resolve.org

Mass General Women’s Health (infertility) http://www.womensmentalhealth.org

Miscarriage Hurts www.miscarraigehurts.com

Return to Zero, HOPE (pregnancy loss and infant loss) http://rtzhope.org

UNITE Grief Support After Miscarriage, Stillbirth, and Infant Death (in-person support groups) http://unitegriefsupport.org

Three Little Birds (infertility, pregnancy loss, and infant loss) http://www.threelittlebirdsperinatal.org

Reconceiving Loss: (pregnancy loss and infant loss) https://reconceivingloss.com

 

Books About Loss

Empty Arms: Coping With Miscarriage, Stillbirth and Infant Death by Sherokee Ilse

Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby by Deborah L. Davis

Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream by Cherokee Isle and Linda Hammer Burns

Miscarriage: Women Sharing from the Heart by Shelly Marks and Marie Allen

Surviving Pregnancy Loss: A complete sourcebook for women and their families by Rochelle Friedman and Bonnie Gradstein

Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility by Janet Jaffe, David Diamond, and Martha Diamond

Unspeakable Losses: Healing From Miscarriage, Abortion, And Other Pregnancy Loss by Kim Kluger-Bell

 

Erin Jameson Saltzburg, MSSW, LCSW is experienced in working with reproductive mental health, trauma and pregnancy loss.  Please refer to her page on our website or go to www.unsunglullaby.com for more information.